I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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