I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
