dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
