Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
