Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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