yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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