I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
