i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
