I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
