oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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