i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
