I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
