My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
