Its about making memories worth repressing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
