He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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