the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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