i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
