3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She told me I should be a condom model.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
