just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
