either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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