Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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