I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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