Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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