Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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