Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
