Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
