First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
