When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
