No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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