Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
