Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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