i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
