long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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