i dedicated my morning wood to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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