i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
