Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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