i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
