I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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