Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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