You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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