It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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