After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
