I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
