I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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