so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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