New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There r osticjed everywhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
