So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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