dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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