I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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