walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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