I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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