Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
