So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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