I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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