Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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