the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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