Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
