You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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