I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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