Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'