I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?