Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7341) Bad night (1027)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

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  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8808) Bad night (1421)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

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  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1456) Bad night (7700)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7390) Bad night (1388)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.

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  (708): My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase. http://tfl.nu/2212
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (3398)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?

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  (801): On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/cd3c
  Replies (10) Good night (3231) Bad night (917)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.

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  (770): Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season. http://tfl.nu/r1ss
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (1005)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO

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  (609): On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO http://tfl.nu/r9jo
  Replies (26) Good night (918) Bad night (2208)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.

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  (214): I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice. http://tfl.nu/9nit
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  You're so romantic.

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  (406): I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you. (1-406): You're so romantic. http://tfl.nu/mrz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1179) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

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  (847): I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message. http://tfl.nu/fe15
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY

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  (212): VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY http://tfl.nu/jiho
  Replies (1) Good night (738) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours

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  (720): To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours http://tfl.nu/tgx5
  Replies (1) Good night (934) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's celebrate that I used a condom

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  (425): Let's celebrate that I used a condom http://tfl.nu/rejy
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel

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  (828): Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel http://tfl.nu/loun
  Replies (3) Good night (410) Bad night (296)

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