Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
