I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like