Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
