God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
