I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize