I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
