Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
