Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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