Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
