Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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