: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
