Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
