I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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