Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
