think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
