i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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