So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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