Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That accounts for only three of the penises
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
