cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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