So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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