i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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