I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize