Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
