I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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